In late February I brought my children to a grieving
group. Hospice care suggested the group
to me so I decided I would go and try it out.
While I was at the intake, which is where the grieving group leaders meet with me and the kids and decide which group is best for us, I felt VERY strongly that I
should choose a certain week with a certain group. In feeling this I thought maybe it was
because I would meet another person at the group, who had gone through a
similar circumstance, and we could help each other out in the grieving
process. At the grieving group the kids
get divided into their own groups and the adults are in a separate group until
everyone is combined together at the very end to talk and sing :) I did meet some great
people in the group. One person in
particular being Shane, whose wife had passed away from cancer four days before
Casey passed away.
I wasn’t able to make it to the next group meeting, so the
next time I saw Shane was at the LDS widow’s and widower’s conference, which I
mentioned in my March blog. When I arrived
at the conference and walked into the gym to eat, at the breakfast before the
conference started, I saw him sitting at a table all by himself. Because there were mainly ladies at the conference,
he was sitting by himself at a table and looked as if he wanted to dart out of
there. Since I knew him from the one
group meeting I felt like I needed to go over and sit next to him. I also knew another lady from our grieving group and I was meeting a lady from Morgan at the conference. They sat down by him as well and soon our table was full. Shane ended up staying the whole conference and I was able to chat with him a little and get
to know him and a lot of other people at the conference.
I saw him a couple of other times after that at the grieving
group. But we didn’t talk much to each other until April
15th, of all days! For those that don't know Casey and I worked at a tax software company together and that is where we met. April 15th is the deadline to file 1040 tax returns and was always a big day at work.
I sent him the following message on Facebook:
Shane, I have a
totally random question and I thought if anyone would know, you might. One of
the kids must have accidentally pushed in and turned the doorknob on one of our
bathroom doors and left it open. At night I shut the bathroom doors to make
sure the cat doesn't drink out of the toilet....so I shut the door and realized
it was locked. Don't worry no one is in there and we have another bathroom. I
tried using a wire coat hanger and I can't get any button to push on the
inside. The hinges are on the bathroom side of the door. Is there some way to
get the door open using the wire hanger? Maybe I am doing something wrong?
Yes I was a little embarrassed about sending the message to
him, but the door had been locked for almost a full day. I had tried numerous times to get the door
open and wasn’t having any luck. I thought
out of everyone I knew, a police man might know how to help me open it. Funny enough less than an hour after I sent Shane the Facebook message I was
talking in the phone with my Mom in one hand, about how frustrated I was that I
couldn’t get the door open (we used to open those types of locks all of the time with no
trouble when I was a kid), and in the other hand I was trying to unlock the
door……and the door handle popped open with no trouble. Immediately I was relieved it was open, but
embarrassed I had asked Shane for help.
I sent a Facebook message to Shane and let him know I wasn’t
in need of assistance any more. When he
got back to me he was really nice and asked if I needed help with anything
else. I told him that fortunately I
hadn’t locked any more doors and I was doing well. We exchanged numbers, in case I was in need
of anything else.
Earlier in the week I was contemplating what I could do for
others and Shane and his family kept coming to my mind. I remembered him mentioning in grieving group
that he was learning to cook certain things for his four kids, but had never
really cooked before and was struggling with it. I thought that I should be nice and bring him
dinner….but I kept putting it off. After
he was so willing to help me out I decided to call him and ask if I could bring
dinner for his family on the following Monday, so he wouldn’t have to worry
about dinner for one night. It also made
me feel good that with all of the help I had and still was receiving I could
help give back by helping others where I could.
I also kept wondering why less than an hour after I sent Shane the
Facebook message, asking for help, my door unlocked with little effort from me. I thought maybe it was because his family
might need a few dinners or there was something else I could help with. Not sure of anything I was doing, I relied on
the Spirit and knew that I needed to bring dinner to this family.
Shane gratefully accepted the dinner offer, so the next
Monday I dropped dinner off at his house.
The next day we chatted on the phone and decided to take the kids to a
movie that Friday. That way Shane and I could
talk about our experiences on the way to the movie and the kids could get to know
each other, since they had gone through similar experiences with having a
parent pass away from cancer. Funny
enough ten minutes into the movie the power went out, in that part of town, and
the movie theater had no power. We
decided to go to my house and let the kids watch a DVD so they could still get
their movie night. Shane and I were able
to talk a bit more and decided to go out the next Friday by ourselves, so we
could get to know each other’s stories a little better……at least that it what
we told ourselves.
We started really enjoying talking to each other, because we had similar experiences and were going through the grieving process at basically the same time, and it ended up with us dating. No, this was not what we were planning! But some of the good things in life aren’t planned!
I have had the opportunity to learn a lot of lessons in the past few years. One of them is when I ask the Lord a question and he gives me an answer, I should never question the answer!
We started really enjoying talking to each other, because we had similar experiences and were going through the grieving process at basically the same time, and it ended up with us dating. No, this was not what we were planning! But some of the good things in life aren’t planned!
I have had the opportunity to learn a lot of lessons in the past few years. One of them is when I ask the Lord a question and he gives me an answer, I should never question the answer!
Shane was great and, among many other great people, he made
me feel very special and loved on my first Mother’s Day, without Casey. I wanted to make his Father’s Day just as
special, so I decided on a certain gift that came to my mind and it was the greatest
gift I could think of. Because my Be
CaseyStrong bracelet means so much to me, I wanted to let Shane and his family
know they mean a lot to me, so I created a new bracelet. On one end it read Be CaseyStrong and other
end it now read BeSpringStrong. Spring
is Shane’s wife who also passed away from cancer in January….four days before
Casey passed away. We have felt that our
spouses had something to do with us meeting each other and falling in love.
(To read the story behind the wristbands go to my February blog titled, "The Story behind the yellow wristbands.")
We are allowed to spend our first Christmas, without Casey
and Spring on earth, as a family. Our family is
very unique because our kids are all missing their Mom or Dad and Shane and I
are both missing our spouses. At
different times I have witnessed each kid crying, because of missing Spring or
Casey. One or multiple kids have given
them a hug and talked to them about it, because more than anyone else they understand
what each other are going through and feeling.
We have a family where pictures and stories of Spring and Casey are more
than welcome and always needed. We talk
about it together and we love our family of eight.
This Christmas season, as a blended family, we get to create some
great memories together and go over the true reason for the season. Christ’s birthday is why we celebrate
Christmas. Yes, getting Christmas
presents for Christmas is great, but I like to think Christmas is more about
giving than receiving. I am not talking about needing
to spend money on a gift. We had a
Family Home Evening and read a story from the “Friend” entitled, “A Bit of
Christmas Every Day.” When we are
serving others we are serving the Lord. We can serve the Lord every single day. The gift I decided to give is the
gift of love. In the eternal perspective
we are all brothers and sisters. If we
love each other then we will seek out ways to help and serve one another. There are many gifts to give the Savior, what
will your gift be?
The Lord has given me the opportunity to be a Mom of six kids and I
am so thankful for that! I am thankful
that he trusts me to help raise these six great kids. No, we don’t always have easy days, but life
wasn’t meant to be easy it was meant to lived.
I love the quote that says, “I never said it would be easy, I only said
it would be worth it.” I have to say it
for sure hasn’t been easy, but it has already been more than worth it. I love Heavenly Father and Jesus so much!
May we give Christ a gift by showing love not only this
Christmas season, but every day throughout the year.
Thanks to our guardian angels, Spring and Casey, for giving
us the gift of finding each other to love.
We feel your presence in our home and love and miss you every day.
Those we love don't go away,
They walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near.
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
-Author Unknown
May we remember that the Lord loves all his children. Wishing all a Merry Christmas :)
